I know you don’t know what to say, sometimes I don’t know what to say either – but here is what not to say.
God must have needed him/her. Really? God needed him? God does not need anyone or anything. He didn’t need to create us, He was perfection in Himself. He created out of love, not need. So why did God need him other than God might be a greedy deity who didn’t need but took just because he can?” Yeah…doesn’t work and only makes the hearer question God’s nature and intent.
God needed another angel. Again, really? God created the angels before man and God has plenty of angels. And besides, angels are angels, and humans are humans. Angels are pure spirit, our unique character in the story is that we are both spirit and flesh. We don’t become angels when we die. So when we are told that God needed another angel, we are like, yeah…right. Sure, OK. Whatever. And besides, here we go again with the needy deity who in a capricious mood one morning decided that Justin would make a fine angel. Not working for me at all.
Justin is smiling down at you. That is just creepy. No parent really wants that vision in their brain when they are crying in the shower. I think of the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland – just this great toothy disembodied grin. Not a good vision most days.
It is selfish to want him back, he is in paradise with Jesus. Yes, add guilt to the grieving parent because most of us need more guilt. I must be the most selfish SOB on the planet, because I would drag his skinny butt back in a heartbeat. He has all eternity to enjoy paradise, we at the most just wanted to have him just a little bit longer. Just another day, another hug, another breath. He made us better people just by being around – my chance of making it to heaven is a dicey proposition without Justin’s goodness to guide me.
You are doing so well. I didn’t know I had a choice. Wait, I have a choice, I can not be strong, not do the next thing, not get up, not feed the dog?…we aren’t strong, we just don’t have options. Some one has to clean up the cat gak. Plus you get really good at faking it, the “got it together” person on the outside protecting the “gee this really sux” person on the inside. I have found that “doing well” usually means when we have picked up right where we left off. If we retreat a bit, it is usually seen as “taking it hard” or “not doing well” in the world view. We really aren’t looking for an “atta boy” on our coping skills.
When in doubt, just say “I am so sorry”, and it is perfectly okay to say “I don’t know what to say”…because we don’t either and it saves us from having to respond to any of the above.
Always good to know.