Orange and Red

Orange and red leaves tied in bunches at the grocery store, just like the leaves in your funeral flowers. Bright yellow mums starting to dot displays, heralds of an anniversary. So much of the time since your death it has felt like we have been pulled away from you, you still standing on the shoreline and we are carried farther and farther away from you. But now it feels like we are being pulled toward something, a place I do not want to go. I liken it to a Lenten journey, your death date anniversary, our good Friday. Impending sense of something bad to happen, yet the bad has already happened, our bodies live it again, our hearts live it again. Anticipation of the day confirming your death. Mind and body recoil from being in that stream of conscience thought. Restless impatience for the day to be here and gone.

Searching for a business card, I find the prayer card you gave me not long before your death. I carry it always in my purse, it is of untold value to me. The prayer card is simply entitled “Mother”.

Mother

She’s sweeter than the fragrances

That fill the dell in spring,

A joy she is above the joys

That all the years can bring.

She’s dearer than the dearest friend

That I will ever know,

Her prayers ever guide me on

No matter where I go.

Her face is furrowed deep with cares,

Her hair is streaked with gray,

And rosary beads slip through the hands

That first joined mine to pray.

And though the years have dimmed those eyes

That were so lustrous fair,

‘Tis death alone can take away

The love-light shining there.

At night when kneeling down to pray

I thank our Lord above

Who was so good to give me

My Mother’s deathless love.

Would that it had not been your eyes to close first. I miss you my friend.

Orange and Red

Subscribe

2 Comments