Conspiring to hope…

I have been slowly reading “Spe Salvi”  by Pope Benedict XVI…Saved in Hope.  Our Holy Father writes so beautifully and weaves this tapestry of thought, he pulls from St. Augustine’s Confessions, deeply from scripture and works in a history lesson all at the same time.

A most beloved sight and most missed, Justin, a cat and a book at the dining room table. He had slipped home for a couple of days from South Dakota, August 2009.

I long for my good friend, my Justin.  He was wise beyond his years, there was a certain peace to be found in his company.  Sometimes my heart still catches when the phone rings and I still have to stop myself when I talk to Ryan from asking him if he has heard from Justin…those were  such natural occurrences, the ebb and flow of our life.   Those responses don’t suddenly go away overnight just because that person died, their life was so tightly woven into our lives, this wandering trail of color that was uniquely Justin.

I have reached the part in Spe Salve where the Holy Father says “Let us now, in the final section, develop this idea in more detail as we focus our attention on some of the “settings” in which we learn in practice about hope and its exercise.”  Splendid…for I do not know how to hope and I have oft suspected that is my ignorance and not God’s absence.  Hope has to be learned, it has to be practiced, we must school our thoughts, our hearts, our very being in how to hope.  The Holy Father says that the first essential setting for learning hope is prayer.  He went on to say that the late Cardinal Nguyen Van Thuan, a prisoner for thirteen years, nine of them spent in solitary confinement, has left us a precious little book:  Prayers of Hope.”  Oh wait a minute… Justin loved Cardinal Nguyen Van Thuan’s writings, I remember him sharing with me the Cardinal’s story.  The Cardinal’s book “Five Loaves and Two Fish” came back with Justin’s books…I had pulled it and put it in my reading pile.  I wonder if “Prayers of Hope, Words of Courage” is there as well….and yes, the very book the Holy Father quoted from is here as well.

Justin you left us well prepared in way didn’t you and why do I feel like you are indeed conspiring with your good friends to teach us what it truly means to hope?  Help us to keep finding these “breadcrumbs”, these little gifts from you, help us to learn and live in hope.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us and persevere in running the race that lies before us while keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, the leader and perfecter of faith.” Hebrews 12:1-2

 

 

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Terri Written by:

I am a wife and mother of two sons. Our eldest, Justin, was killed in a car accident September 27, 2010, he was 25 years old.